Adapting to Cultural Differences (in our relationship)
We woke up at our very convient campsite with the restroom and fountain all to ourselves! As we like to say, “too much luxury!” We had about 10 eggs so I offered to make Selim an omelette. He asked me how I could make an omelette? I didn’t have any toppings. For him, any omelette must have something in it. I explained that as far as I knew, an omelette is just a way of cooking an egg. I proceeded to make the omelette for him. He watched raptly as he also did not believe I could make an omelette with our kitchen set-up. Turns out, he was right. It ended up being closer to fried eggs. This breakfast created a lot of conversation because after I made the eggs and presented them to him, he asked me where mine was? I told him I had just made it for him. I would have granola or dried fruit. He was distraught that I had cooked just for him as he agreed to have eggs under the assumed pretense that I was also cooking for myself. This is definitely a cultural difference. Let me explain.
In Tunisia, Selim says that it is normal for someone to bring you what they believe you want or want to offer you rather than ask. The thought is that in doing so, they remove any guilt you might have from saying “yes” and seeming perhaps needy. If someone just offers you something, perhaps they just want to appear nice without actually meaning it. This is also a cultural difference between Turkish folks and Tunisian folks, I believe. So many times, someone would ask Selim if he wanted something – be it water, tea, food, etc. His response seemed to indicate that he did not have a need for it because it was often very vague. Usually just a sound if he wanted it like “ohhh.” But he really wanted it! This confused so many Turkish people. They would continue staring at him to try to get a read on what he was saying. Sometimes, if they continued staring, he would offer “tessekuler ederim” and perhaps a slight head nod if he really wanted it. I could tell he was really pushing himself out of his comfort zone with this type of acknowledgement.
Over time, I have adapted a bit to his needs (I think). If I’m serving him dinner, I will continue to serve him one more spoon past the point he says “ok, ca va.” If I serve myself a second helping, I will do the same for him. If I’m eating from my tupperware of nuts, I will offer it to him 3x. If he says no the first time, that does not mean no. That means, “please ask again.” If he says no 3x, he doesn’t want it. He might not know this, but sometimes I just put offerings in front of him to mean, you can eat this. He often does , especially in the morning. If I really feel like he wants to eat something but doesn’t want to take it from me, I will tell him that “I’m finished and will throw it out.” To Selim, this is like pressing a button labeled “inhale.” He really doesn’t like to throw things out and if I’m saying that I activate 1) the part of him that really wanted to eat it but doesn’t want to take it from me and 2) the part that wants to save food from the wastebasket at all costs! I have started to really take advantage of this to such a degree that he realized my trick. Yesterday, I said that I would throw out the last crackers and he hurriedly grabbed them and pretended to upend the packet into his mouth. We both cracked up. Please note, after that he still finished the crackers! 🙂
The Bike Path Changes
This is the first day we really felt a huge change in the route. It got a lot more hilly and a lot more remote. Selim had advertised the Black Sea bike route as being flat. That is to say, we were both surprised. At one point, we came across a particularly steep uphill. A bus driver even offered to give us a ride with our bikes! I don’t know why we said no thanks.
Karpuz
Shortly after as we were struggling up the hill, a man with a roadside produce stand called us over. He offered us cold water and karpuz (watermelon)! It was definitely watermelon season in this part of Turkey. There was watermelon absolutely everywhere.
We chatted a bit with the man and his wife, mostly about his younger years. He spoke German so was able to communicate with Selim. He told us that he spent his early adulthood in Germany where he was previously married. He worked for most of his career on boats before settling back in Turkey and buying the farm we were currently on.
On his frig, I saw a cute drawing and asked him about it. It turns out it was from a Turkish family who had passed him on their bike trip a while back. They cycled Turkey with their infant in a cart that the Dad pulled on the back of his bike. I can’t imagine how difficult that would be for the Dad but also how fun for the kid! Selim has declined all requests to pull me in a cart. And yes, I asked 3x. Since then, we have heard of another family, this one French, that traveled with their baby across France. So cute! Check out La Mini Passagere for their story and photos.
Two Doners for Dinner (For Selim)
We arrived in Ayancık early evening and I needed to refresh my Turkcell package. Before we could get there, we were stopped by two separate parties attempting to speak to us in German. Selim was absolutely exhausted from a rigorous day, and hungry, but he graciously fielded dogged invitations for tea. After Turkcell, we made an emergency doner stop for dinner. Selim attempted to order a tavuk durum with two pieces of durum. It turned out, the man understood him as having ordered two sandwiches. He ate both happily.
Treating Ourselves to Espresso-Based Drinks
After dinner, we made our way to a fancy café and ordered some espresso-based drinks, charged our devices, and used the wifi. We were super self-conscious because well, we certainly weren’t freshly-showered. We tried to act normal and sit far away from other people.
Camping on the Beach
Ayancık was a bit fancy, not yacht-fancy, but not a fishing village. There seemed to be a lot of folks summering there who lived abroad. It was harder than usual to find a camp spot. We ended up following the boardwalk to the end, the darkest spot. We set up camp underneath the boardwalk on the beach. There were a few folks sitting on the beach and some nosy teenagers that Selim dealt with. Selim locked the bikes up per usual and we quickly fell asleep, completely filthy!
